im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize