There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
