everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
