ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize