apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
