I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
