i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
