Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina

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(602): View more from Arizona

dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.

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(515): View more from Iowa

pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show

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(216): View more from Ohio

somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

Yeah, but four times?

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(519): View more from Ontario

Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.

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(807): View more from Ontario

I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick

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(607): View more from New York

IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.

(1-607): View more from New York

You're such a supportive sister.

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(313): View more from Michigan

so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage

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