yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
