I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
