Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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