"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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