I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
