Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
