Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
