He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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