:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
