Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
