She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
