so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
