i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
