I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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