The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
