I feel like abortions should bother me more
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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