...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
