I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i think im in europe. pls send help
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
