When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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