I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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