we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
how does that bad decision feel?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
