Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
