it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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