So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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