can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
