Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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