I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
