I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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