Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
