watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
