i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
