Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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