Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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