im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
