i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
