I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
