I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
