Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
