Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
