i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
