I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize