Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
