i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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