Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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