So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
