What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
