I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
