Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
