we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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