In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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