Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
