for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Shame - the story of my life.
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