in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
