Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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