What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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