Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
