ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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