Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
