I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So squirting runs in the family.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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