i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
