My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
