Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
