Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
